Teetering
by Sheraven
Summary: With so many people around him, how was it even possible to feel alone?


Disclaimer: I do not own RoboCop or any of its affiliates.

**_Teetering_**

It's not like he was out in the desert. He was surrounded by people. Some he knew before he died, some he met after. Most were brave, compassionate, warm, funny, professional, and smart. Others were deceitful, violent, disloyal, self-centered or just plain evil. Each of them had a combination of traits, but had one thing in common…they were all so _human_. He used to have that, but it seemed like centuries ago, and he had forgotten how to be that way.

His own humanity felt fleeting to him, but not just because he was so much synthetic material. As someone once told him, "Take away all the metal and wires, and you're not even a corpse. You're just a couple of chunks on a coroner's table." He could still see in his new body, but in an enhanced way. He didn't just look at a person anymore, he saw their heat signature, could record the image, or match them to a photo in a database. He targeted with pinpoint accuracy and never missed.

Rather than just listening to someone, he could analyze their voice patterns and detect if they were lying or altered. He could hear things quieter and from further away than most animals. When he touched something, he didn't really feel it. Instead, the finely attuned sensors in his body sent data to his computer enhanced brain which was interpreted in terms of temperature and pressure. The same was true with his olfactory sense. He did not simply let the smell of something wash over him, he detected the odors and proportions of constituent chemicals and compounds.

It had been so long since he tasted something that he forgot what it was like. Even the rudimentary nutrient paste his organic systems used was fairly bland. And after eating only that for years, he didn't even register its flavor anymore. Most days, he was grateful to be surrounded by metal and weapons. But something had happened recently that made him feel more trapped than protected.

When he was alive, Alex Murphy had savored his every waking moment. His memories were still vivid of stolen moments with his beautiful wife and raucous wrestling matches with his young son. Photographs were hollow two-dimensional representations of the times his family shared. The actual events were so much more in every aspect. Funnier, brighter, warmer, and so much more impermanent. Memories of those times often hurt more than they soothed.

At work, he was an exemplary officer. Even when lying would have kept a partner out of prison, he had kept to his moral and lawful personal code. That memory hurt too, watching as his trainer, Officer Malloy, was dragged away in handcuffs, screaming that it was his fault that he was going to prison. Since then, Murphy had known many other good officers, but none like his last partner.

He had bonded with Anne Lewis, a fiery blonde, almost immediately. They only had a few shifts together when he was alive, but it was if they had worked side by side for years. They each read what the other was doing and knew how to act accordingly, leading to swift responses and efficient arrests. When she knelt over his bloody, motionless body, he felt regret that she should have to see him so brutally shot to pieces.

Once he was remade, Lewis recognized him immediately. The machine had no understanding of her other than a stimulus to react to, and the man was still reeling from what had happened to him. She brought him from the brink of insanity, and anchored him firmly in his sense of duty. There were many nights when she did her best to keep up with his unrelenting programmed compulsion to stop crime and ended up falling asleep on duty or getting sick because she pushed herself too hard. If she drifted off in the passenger seat beside him, he would simply pull her duty jacket up over her and try to let her get a few minutes before they were sent to the next call.

The day Officer Anne Lewis died burned Murphy's conscience, even still. She was off duty and not fully armored, and he let her accompany him directly into the line of fire. He could easily stand up to the Rehabs with his titanium alloy skin, but was not able to put himself in front of her before it was too late. She had been shot because of him once before, but had recovered. There was no coming back this time.

Since the only parts of his brain that were left unaltered were the higher functions and reasoning centers, his emotions were intact. He was filled with an overpowering combination of anger and sorrow as he watched his partner and friend die in his arms. When she looked into his eyes and said she was afraid, he told her the only comforting thing he could force past his blinding rage. After promising vengeance, he watched helplessly as she shuddered one last time, and left the world. "Officer down," was pathetically inadequate to express what he felt.

Once he was back on regular duty at Metro South, Murphy had tried to bury himself in work. It wasn't long before his productivity attracted one of the other officers pulling more than her own weight. Lisa Madigan was like a sister in spirit to Lewis. She was as aggressive and driven as his former partner had been, and equally intelligent. When she became a detective, she didn't let up at all. She was in uniform pulling street duty at least three times a month, on top of her investigative duties.

On another of those fateful nights, RoboCop was again the cause of suffering to a loved one. He captured a jewel thief and was bringing him to the car when a nearby bus came to life on its own. To prevent it from running down innocent citizens, Madigan sprinted after it and climbed into the careening vehicle. Before she could bring it to a stop safely, it leaped over some parked cars and crashed spectacularly.

With his heart in his throat, Murphy cleared the broken windshield to find her buried under the twisted frame of the vehicle. When she told him nothing was hurting, he knew he had done it again. With all his enhancements and experience, could he not even protect his own partner? Although it wrenched his gut to watch her come to consciousness in the hospital and call out to him in panic over her new paralysis, he forced himself to stay by her side until she was she was once again heavily sedated.

Driven by anger and helplessness, he had gone out, fully intending to get revenge for her severe injuries. Instead, while caught in the worst traffic jam in Detroit's history, he'd been dealt another blow. Diana Powers, the once-living NeuroBrain core of MetroNet, had been overrun by malicious nanites. She appeared in the empty seat beside him, her holographic image wearing even less than usual and acting…loose.

She overrode the mobile data computer in his car and played the music video of KC & The Sunshine Band, smiling at him as she sang, "Shake, shake, shake." He was amused by her antics at first, and a little surprised to find he was intrigued when she invited him to be with her in cyberspace. His moment of fun didn't last, however, because Diana's inattention to the city's electrical grid was costing Madigan her life. Since the officer's spine was broken, machines were breathing for her, and a loss of power could be fatal.

As much as he wanted to explore the idea of digital interaction, he went immediately to NeuroBrain's data core and released the repairing nanites. Diana was her old self again, and Robocop had been the one to restore her and Madigan at the Mediplex. He felt a little guilty taking away probably the only fun she was going to have as the computer that ran the entire city.

By the time he got back to the hospital, his partner was asleep after receiving the experimental and completely effective medical nanite surgery. Madigan's spine had been repaired, but she was being kept on life support until they had a chance to remove the tiny restorative robots.

Murphy stood beside her bed, watching the unnaturally even mechanical breathing. Lisa had told him she had a new understanding of how he felt in his cybernetic body, and wondered how she was going to do it. He had replied that a sense of purpose would always find an answer to that question, but it was a hollow statement. He dared not tell her what he was really thinking. He had almost killed another partner, and it was again his fault. He had also pushed the only other person trying to get close to him back, berating Diana with some line about power and responsibility.

Watching Madigan sleep, he realized something about each of the people in his life. His wife, Nancy, was so strong, even after his death. She watched over Jimmy, their son, and he was turning out to be smart and ambitious while still retaining kindness. How often he had wanted to tell them he was still there for them, but had stopped for fear of hurting them more. He had seen his own father's eyes filled with that pain when he figured out who RoboCop really was. Russell Murphy had a new, heavy secret to keep, and that was Alex's fault, too.

Dr. Charles Lippencott, the human being who knew the most about him on Earth, was driven and logical. Because he was relentlessly scientific, it was out of place to see him swirling on his chair, wearing his MetroNet interface helmet. Murphy knew immediately by Lippencott's position and joyful look that he was dancing. It drove home again how temporary good things were in the world. In just a few short minutes, the engineer would have to unplug to return to his real life, leaving Diana alone in the virtual world.

It also reminded him that Lippencott had feelings and desires, too. It seemed strange to think that while Murphy slept in his chair, the scientist was out, doing things and living life. Sometimes, life flaunted itself in front of RoboCop, like the developing relationship develop between Sergeant Stan Parks and his adopted daughter, Gadget. The young girl was often at the station, and her interactions with the dispatchers, officers, and staff of the precinct was bittersweet for Murphy.

It reminded him of his own son, and how he could not be a father to him anymore. With a start, RoboCop realized that he could not be anything anymore. He may have been lauded as Detroit's metal messiah, but that was all in the programming. Watching his loved ones live life and feel the joys and sorrows, Murphy suddenly felt the weight of his technological prison. He could still help people, which had always been his calling, but he was absolutely and completely alone. Worse than that, he always ended up hurting the ones closest to him.

He stood beside his partner's bed, watching as her brow furrowed in sleep. It was obvious Madigan was in pain, even though she was not conscious. Half out of need to comfort her, and half for himself, Murphy reached forward to touch her cheek and brush a stray lock of her curly brown hair out of her face. Before his fingertips touched, however, the recovery room door burst open. Murphy pulled his hand back.

Adam Rowland, the magician who'd helped Metro South catch an assassin, rushed in. "Dear god, is she going to be alright?" he asked breathlessly as he stepped between the two police officers and took Madigan's hands in his own.

RoboCop could tell by the close proximity and casual regard for physical contact that the two of them were used to intimacy. He took one step back. Being touched pulled Madigan from her drug-induced sleep, and she forced her eyes open. Now conscious, she groaned at the pain from her healing spine, and looked up. As soon as she saw Adam, her eyes lit up. She did not call out to him in panic, or try to shrink away, but a very human warmth filled her. "Adam…you came."

"Of course I did. How are you feeling?" The magician reached forward and pulled a small blue flower from behind her ear. When he held it up, Madigan smiled, clearly comforted by his presence.

"Better. Hopefully they'll let me sit up soon." Adam smiled in relief, and leaned in to kiss her gently.

RoboCop took a second step back and turned on his heels. As he was walking out of the room, his partner asked, "Murphy?"

He stopped and turned to look at her, leaving his feet planted. "I am glad you are feeling better. I will notify Sergeant Parks." He turned back to the door and walked out, leaving them to their privacy. Several doctors passed him on the way in to Madigan's room as he left, and he was glad her treatment had gone so well. He transmitted a text message to Parks' desk, informing him that one of his best detectives was awake and recovering.

Once he had pulled the door of the RoboCruiser shut, Murphy sat quietly for a moment. He replayed the video of Adam leaning in to kiss Lisa, and felt something break inside his chest compartment. He completed a quick diagnostic scan, and found no malfunctions, but knew something had changed nonetheless.

He looked down at the MetroNet jack in the vehicle's console, but left his spike in his hand. He was nothing but trouble to anyone unlucky enough to get close to him, and couldn't bring himself to face Diana after taking away her moment of joy to again bear the crushing weight of running the city. RoboCop shut his police mobile data computer down and started the car. He knew where he had to go.

Driving through Old Detroit, he looked hard at the town in which he grew up. The shops were run down and covered in graffiti, and the houses were pathetic shadows of what they were in his childhood. He drove past Primrose Lane, where he had lived with his wife and son, and remembered his time there. The oldest and poorest parts of the city were where the streets were most empty. People didn't go out because it was just too dangerous. He guided the car through the worst of it, then continued out of the city.

Since mankind had depleted the ozone layer, there really was no more countryside. Unable to bear the harsh ultraviolet rays from the sun, the wild plant life and animals had all but died off completely. Zoos and greenhouses with protective roofs were the only place life could survive, and outside the city, it was like a dust bowl. RoboCop drove until he could hardly see the rising towers of steel and glass of Delta City.

In an empty and desolate field, he stopped the car. The police radio had been squawking non-stop, which was not unusual since crime never took a break. The dispatchers had begun calling for his status once he turned off his computer, since that was how his location was tracked. The radio fell silent when he turned off the car, leaving Murphy alone in the blazing sun. He secured the vehicle, effectively creating a safe out of the trunk, where his secondary weapons were stored. There was no need to put a rifle and shotgun up for grabs.

RoboCop placed the vehicle keys in his arm compartment and locked them away. He started walking north, keeping Delta City to his right. When he was about a quarter mile from his car, Murphy stopped and faced the tiny, gleaming high rises. So much loss lived in that city. Not just his, but the citizens and coworkers that he had failed, as well. At least out here, he would not hurt anyone else. That same thing in his chest compartment that had broken before seemed to fall apart completely. He did not run a diagnostic this time.

The compartment in his upper left thigh opened, and RoboCop pulled out a small disk that looked like a high tech hockey puck. He looked down at it in his hand, and saw a scale from one to ten. He knew a charge of three on the small explosive was more than enough to blow the side off a brick building, and ran the meter up to ten. Almost imperceptibly, the device began to hum in his hand. He had never used one of his explosives at full power before.

Murphy dropped the disk at his feet and stared at it. A gust of wind flowed around him, pulling a dust cloud along with it. The compartment in his upper right thigh opened this time, and RoboCop wrapped his hand around the grip of his gun. He pulled it from the holster, and put his leg back together. Without taking his eyes off the disk, he aimed at it, his finger on an encoded trigger that would only respond to his touch.

Nancy, Jimmy, Anne, Lisa, Parks, Diana, Lippencott, Gadget, Russell, Malloy, their faces swam in his field of vision. Some were covered in blood, others in tears. He had hurt them all as their worthless, pathetic protector. Where the broken part in his chest compartment had been before had become just an empty, sucking hole. Murphy willingly fell into that hole, welcoming the darkness and the release from his failed existence.

A targeting reticle appeared at the center of the disk and a single tear slid from under RoboCop's helmet. He increased the pressure on the gun's trigger, knowing he would not miss. Before the weapon fired, a pair of small booted feet stepped up on both sides of the disk. Murphy could not bear to hurt anyone else, so he dropped the muzzle of the gun toward the ground, hoping it was one of the desert strippers come to take him apart.

Almost against his will, Murphy lifted his head, looking at the owner of the boots. It was Madigan, and she was breathing hard and sweating. She was pale and squinting in the searing sunlight, her lovely features clouded by pain. Blood was trickling down the back of her legs, dripping off the dusty cuffs of her pants into the dead soil. Running to get to him had ripped the sutures down the length of her spine open, and she was paying for the exertion.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she shouted at him, swaying a bit on her feet.

Murphy had done it again. Because of him, his partner was suffering even more and ready to drop. He could hardly stand himself. When she continued to stare at him, he started, "I…" No more words came, as hard as he tried to find them, so he shut his mouth.

"So that's it then, huh?" She fixed her snapping blue eyes on his under the helmet. "After everything, you're just going to check out?" She was clearly furious. "What, you think no one would notice you're gone?"

Could he do nothing without hurting someone he loved? Murphy thought he could stop all the pain by taking himself out of their lives, but it appeared that he had failed at that as well. He was suddenly overcome with self-loathing, turning his head away in shame. A weak, "I'm sorry," was all he could force out.

As she scrutinized him, Madigan's expression changed from anger to concern. "Murphy…" she started, but the word got caught in her throat as a wave of pain overtook her. She whimpered and fell to her knees, still right on top of the explosive disk.

He knelt with her, taking hold of her arm with his left hand to help her sit upright. She panted for a second, then placed her other hand on top of his gun. He allowed her to move his hand until the muzzle was touching the disk, which was right between her knees. Madigan did not remove her hand from the weapon, but simply reached up with her other hand. His partner rested her fingertips on the tear on his face, and leaned her forehead in to rest against his.

"Murphy, please forgive me. All of us. We've been so wrapped up in our own little problems that we've been taking you for granted." She sniffled and RoboCop realized Madigan was crying. "I can't count the number of times you've saved my life, and I never thanked you." Now her tears joined her blood falling onto the parched ground.

It wasn't true. Madigan had thanked him each and every time he stopped her from getting hurt. He hated that she was crying, once again because of him. Before he could say anything though, she spoke again, her voice a little rough from the pain in her back. "Please don't go, Murphy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner. I know better. I know you can feel, and that you're not just a machine. I…" she gritted her teeth against her new injury. "I need you." She let her head fall as she tried to control herself.

Murphy was so overwhelmed that he just stared at her. He had never heard words like that from a partner, and certainly not from such a strong-willed, smart, powerful woman as Madigan. Something stirred within his chest.

Madigan breathed in slowly, and shuddered slightly, trying to push the physical pain of her injury to the back of her mind. Her partner had not responded to her lame apology, and she knew it was too little, too late. "Alright, Murphy," looking up at him and squeezing his hand that held the gun. "I won't make the same mistake again. I won't stop you. You do what you need to do, but I'm not leaving." She felt his hand twitch under hers, and closed her eyes.

At first, when she had stepped between him and the disk, he'd felt a flash of anger. That's why he had come out into the middle of nowhere in the first place, for the specific purpose of not hurting anyone else. He'd almost pulled the trigger anyway, knowing that she had put herself in that position. But he saw now why she had done that. Lisa Madigan, always so fearless, had selflessly put her own life on the line to save his.

The small, trembling woman in front of him, so full of life and spirit, and so fragile, had come to him at great cost to herself. The bleeding had slowed since she wasn't running, but her color had not improved. Her brow was still furrowed, but she stared at him with hard, clear eyes. She knew the risk of joining him at ground zero, but refused to leave her partner. Murphy suddenly felt he didn't deserve such a devoted friend, and knew he was not worthy of her.

His leg compartment opened, and he slid the gun back into its holster. Slowly, he powered down the explosive, and put it back, too. Madigan wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him tightly. He wanted to be able to feel her embrace more than anything, but could only register the pressure of her body against his. When she began to slide off his chassis, he caught her unconscious form in his arms and stood. It was a short walk back to his sealed cruiser and Madigan's personal car.

When Murphy opened the door to place his partner in the passenger seat of the RoboCruiser, he was surprised to find Diana's holographic image sitting impatiently. "Alex! Are you alright?"

Diana must have watched his car go out of camera range from the city and tried to contact him. When he didn't respond, she went to the person closest to him, exposing her secret. Madigan had dragged herself out of the hospital to come get him. If Madigan was here, then Sergeant Parks and the rest of the precinct could be on their way, too.

RoboCop knew then that he had been wrong. He was not alone.

_The End_


End file.
